Almost 5–6 cases of rape, sexual assault, molestation or eve teasing happens every day in India, and that is an understated statistic report. The rate would be much higher if the unreported incidents are taken into account as well.
In continuation to: Can You Blame Me For Being Scared?
Someone asked me, “Well, so you’re scared. What good does saying that achieve? Tell me what you can do to change this.” Yes, you’re right, we need to rise up beyond the fear, we need a change, and we need it now.
It would be right to say that I do not have a solution that can make India safe for women again. However, I do think that everyone unknowingly or not has allowed rape culture to become the norm. So, ladies and gentlemen, here’s what I have to say to you all:
Dear Men,
- Stop objectifying women. Now, before you start telling me that “real men don’t do that”, even you are guilty of it. Every time you comment on a girl’s figure, or check a woman out in public, or drool over actresses’ pictures, you objectify us. And it is not funny, not something to laugh about or be taken lightly. Respect — something that women desperately need from you.
- Learn to accept NO. Stop stalking girls online. Stop asking them to “send nudes” as if it’s the coolest thing to do, even if she’s your girlfriend. Ask your girl if she wants to be intimate. Listen for a YES from her side, said without fear, or compulsion. When she says YES, ask again. Ask once more. Women don’t feel safe even with men they know so please, it is up to you men now to make us feel safe. Don’t ask us to trust you, earn it.
- Protect women. If you have a female friend, mother, sister, wife or anyone with you at night, stay with them till they reach home. Drop them where they want to go. Ask them whether they are safe. Unfortunately, in this country, you men have more privilege than me.
- If you have a daughter, sister or mother at home, teach them self — defense. Buy them a can of pepper spray. Tell them where then can hurt a potential assailant easily. That knowledge may save them someday. Teach your little girl about right and wrong touches. Teach your son how to treat a woman. And please, please, please take care of little kids. The monsters don’t differentiate by age when they hunt us.
- Participate in your women’s life. Many of the rape cases are where the assailant is known to the victim. So get familiar with the people around you. If you have a daughter at school, go there, talk to teachers, know who she interacts with everyday. If you have a wife, be friends with her co-workers. Know who your neighbours are. Maybe you can find out who looks at her with malice.
- Speak up. If you’re a person in charge — if you’re a politician, a cop or a judge — acknowledge the problem that we face as a society and put forth efforts to change the laws. Don’t say “not all men”, prove it!
Dear women,
Let’s be real for a second. There may be men who genuinely are good and will do everything I’ve listed above and more. But we can’t put our lives in their hands now, can we. I am sorry to say (and sorry if some find this offensive) but no man is safe. And you cannot trust your safety to someone else. So here’s what we can do, practically…
- Pepper spray. Carry a can of it with you, at all times. Keep it in your bag/purse where it is easily accessible. You can get it from Amazon for less than 200 Rs. If men can throw acid on our faces, we can definitely use pepper spray for self defense.
- I would never tell you to curb your life, or to stay at home post 6 in the evening. But if you are a working woman, ask if your company will send a cab for you. Ask if your family members can pick you up from work. Avoid travelling alone as much as possible. We don’t know where the monsters are, right.
- I am sure many of you are already doing this, but communicate. When you get into an Uber or Auto, call someone, talk loudly, share the registration number of the vehicle and share your live location. Make sure that the driver can hear you. He might be a good man, but how do you know?
- Learn self defense. A kick to the groin works. The eyes, knees, solar plexus, instep — all these are good places to hit an assailant. Watch self defense videos, join a class if you can, but please learn to protect yourself. No one else will help you like yourself.
- When you are in a situation where you feel threatened, shout or scream so that if there are people nearby they can hear you. Don’t expect everyone to come to your aid just because someone is trying to hurt you. Shout “fire” Or a similar generic distress call. People pay more attention to that (because that affects everyone rather than just a single woman).
- Spread the word. If you know self defense, teach it to another woman. Speak out because even you are a citizen of the country. When elections come near, ask the responsible people what they can do to address the plight of women. If others can’t (or won’t) help us, let’s help ourselves.
- Instead of shutting ourselves within our homes, let’s study, work hard and get good jobs. If the lawmakers of this country can’t be bothered to change the laws, let’s be the new people in charge. Let’s change those laws together.
We made this world, ladies. Now let’s make it safe again. To everyone who’s reading this, yes I don’t have a ready-made solution but neither do you. But I am ready to change. Are you? Can you at least try?
