Being jobless, discovering myself and more…
The story starts in August of 2018. There I was all excited about turning 21 and getting into my final year of engineering. Little did I know that a whole lot of surprises were to come my way.
But before all of that… a short disclaimer that whatever I’m writing below is just my opinions and feelings that I had throughout this past year. I don’t mean to hurt or offend anyone so please bear with me, will you?
So, September 2018 and semester 7 had not even picked up steam but placements were in full swing. I didn’t expect to get placed all that soon, but that is how it happened (not bragging, just real talk — I was pleasantly surprised). Honestly, I was just relieved that at least some of my friends would be working with me in future. But the small amount of happiness that I did feel was a precursor to a hell of a lot of tension-filled nights later. And that’s what I’m writing about.
Also, have you read what my friend Parvathy Mohan has written about life after college? Check it out here.
After all the drama of final year exams, with tech-fest, arts fest, projects, seminars and much more, cut to June 2019 and I was done with engineering. I couldn’t believe I had made it without much problems along the way. As June passed, I was so so so happy to just sit at home without any sort of worries about assignments, finishing projects and petty fights with my best friends.
I wasn’t too worried about not getting my appointment letter just then. Meanwhile, most of my friends and classmates had already begun to pack their bags, relocating to Bangalore, Chennai, Trivandrum — where ever their jobs took them. Some even went abroad to pursue higher studies. Among all these events, there we were — a handful of people just taking a breather from the hectic four-year race that was engineering.
July and August came and went and because I’m not the kind of person who’d simply sit at home twiddling my thumbs, I started doing a small online internship. My days were filled with talking to friends who had already become enmeshed in their respective jobs. It was so much fun getting to know how much they loved/tolerated/hated their jobs already. I was enjoying this timeout that I got. In fact, I was really happy that my company didn’t call me to work right off the bat.
The situation started to get problematic by September. You see, everyone else was turning busy in their own life and it felt like my life had become stuck. I began to obsess over when I would start to work and that’s when the aforementioned tension-filled nights started. The constant questions by neighbourhood aunties and pesky relatives didn’t help the issue. But don’t worry, I haven’t lost my job. It’s just going to take some time to start. (Yes, this is directed to every one of the neighbourhood aunties who enquire about when I am leaving).
While everyone else would go ‘good thing you’re not working, you should relax for a while now’, my fellow friends — and I — who’d gotten placed in the same job were a little worried. But then came a surreal moment and a very special person helped me realize this — for the first time in a long time, I was actually having fun. I was doing an internship in a field that I love. I had gotten back to reading (not that I’d ever stopped tbh). I was happy and healthy mentally. Mind you that’s important when 4 years of engineering is so hectic.
So my best friend made me realize how important taking some time out was. Instead of worrying over a job letter, I started to actively channel my mind into things I loved to do.
Honestly, the biggest positive thing that happened was I started talking to my parents much more. Don’t get me wrong, I talk to them plenty anyway but in the day to day hustle of studies and everything else, just simply chatting over a cup of coffee took on a whole new meaning. I spent a whole week of Onam back at my native village and I loved it. Before the highlight of Onam would be dressing up for the college celebration but this time, I experienced Onam with my family the traditional way. My days began to be filled with smiles, talking with long lost friends, and most importantly, reading. I had never forgotten my love for books but now I’ve managed to turn myself into budding bookstagrammer! It doesn’t hurt that I’m earning some pocket money via my internship. Not that I’m saving anything — I’m just buying more books to read. (And how amazing is that a little bit of retail therapy can cure any stress!)
I’ve discovered myself. I used to be very shy of saying that I love reading, that I’m the kind of girl who’d stay up curled on a sofa on a rainy day with a book in hand. Now, because I was so jobless, I had time to think and also time to come to terms with who I am. It also helps to realize that there are a lot of people just like me in this big world!
Here’s what I’d like to say to my fellow graduates:
Take some time out for yourself. You don’t need to start a job right after studies. Explore. Enjoy. Find what you love. Then start working. Before you get into the hotshot and frankly over-hyped world of “adulting”, be comfortable in your own skin first.
Your present happiness is way too important to be buried under worries over the future!
